The Stadium of Fire in Provo, Utah, is usually one hot event for the July 4th holiday.  This year, however, it was not only cloudy above the stadium, but a lot of the haze seemed to settle within the stadium.  In short, this year’s event was unfocused, lacking in crowd appeal and lackluster in “fire” power.

From the onset, controversy and confusion seemed to spell doom for this year’s event as it lost several key creative people to the Freedom Blast – a competing Salt Lake City event that was eventually cancelled due to poor ticket sales.  In retrospect, someone might want to send a letter of apology and see if the Stadium of Fire can get those people back – and quick!

Ticket sales for the Stadium of Fire were a concern early on as sales were below the 2003 and 2004 benchmarks.  Sales improved when the event announced it had picked up American Idol sensation Taylor Hicks. The Stadium of Fire also had technical difficulties as the Internet sales web page showed the event sold out of all but the $100 tickets for several days - when in truth the event was far from being booked up.

Despite a lot of adversity, many felt the show would recover and all would be well once the curtain went up.  In reality, however, the curtain should have stayed down. Perhaps the loss of production talent to the north ended up being catastrophic for more than just the Freedom Blast. Sadly, this show went on to the chagrin of 30,000 plus audience members who went home unfulfilled, tired and scratching their eyes from the soot of too many fireworks set off inside the stadium.

Traditionally, this event has been funny, energetic and exciting for spectators of all ages.  It is an understatement to say that the producers of this show have built up expectations of a high standard.  But you know what they say, “high expectations can create low reviews.”

So let me get started with mine.

This year the only electricity in the stadium came and went with the fighter jets that buzzed by at the beginning.  After that, despite great performers trying their best to draw the crowd into the event, no one could overcome the utter failure of the creative team who failed to present a coherent theme and misjudged what would and wouldn’t work to a large crowd.

From an observer’s point-of-view, the Stadium of Fire 2006 was filled with the right people performing the wrong script and trying to play to two audiences – one local and present and one on television far-off and away.

As an example of the creative failure, take the expectations of my three kids.  They were all excited to see Raven-Symone, as she is one of the most dynamic Disney stars performing today. She is a great singer and a great physical comedian.  As the show began with the national anthem, a very large tank rolled into the corner of the field. It was obvious to all observers that this was not only a prop for a big bang, but also a grand entree for Raven.  We were all awaiting her not-so-coordinated exit from the hole in the top, along with the standard funny “I Love Lucy” trips and stumbles.  Instead, we next see Raven on a side stage in her street clothes reading the script from cards in her hands.  What? Expectations sank immediately.  It was at this point that I knew we were in for a long night.

The two hosts of the Stadium of Fire were one too many, as former Miss America 2005 lacked the energy and crowd-control skill to keep anyone’s attention. Keni Thomas could have and should have handled this job all alone or even better, Raven should have been the other part of this dynamic duo. Instead, Raven was put on stage with two families doing Nickelodean sophomoric stunts which were too small to be seen by anyone other than the television audience.  This one aspect of the show clearly indicated that the producers were asleep at the wheel in their scripting of this show.

Last year Fred Willard was clearly in his element as large demonstrative elements entertained all of the audience members in the stadium, e.g., the human cannonball. In contrast, this year’s audience couldn’t see a thing and as such quickly lost interest.  There is nothing more uncomfortable than listening to a performer loose her crowd. Sorry Raven.  It wasn’t you – really.

The Honey Award goes to Raven and Keni Thomas for doing their best with a bad script and bad planning.  The producers and creative folk behind the scenes get the Pooh Bear Dung Award for being paid for a job they obviously couldn’t manage.

Further along in the show, the producers put local talent on the field, featuring more than 1,000 young women and a marching band.  This was one of the better group performances of the night. Sadly, watching the monitor, the television audience could not see the quality of this part of the show as every camera was at field level - while the choreography was for the large stadium audience.  This was a nice touch for the local audience – but somebody forgot to tell the TV folks broadcasting to the troops around the world that the essence of the act was large in nature and could only be captured from above.  Something tells me that the producers didn’t have a grasp of their own show’s strength and clearly didn’t know how to play to both audiences.

As the show continued, the script had Raven popping in and out with a family contest pitting two local families against each other for a big-screen TV.  On a scale from one-to-ten, this hit about a three for the audience in the stadium.  I am uncertain that it did much better for the TV audience.  Instead of Raven interacting with the audience and stumbling and bumbling – which is her strength as a performer – the audience saw her reading more cue cards in her hands and trying to motivate an unmotivated local audience while trying to play to the camera for her international audience.

Next, the event cut to what was described on the posters as a “Battle of the Bands.”  Billed as a battle between Queen, ABBA and Beach Boys sound-alike bands, the audience was anxious to hear classic tunes.  The first to strike was the look-alike Queen band.  I say look-alike, because in dress, they had the general appearance of looking like Queen. The sound, however, was more along the lines of a garage band trying to sound like the rock stars featured on posters hanging on their bedroom walls.  Terrible is the only word to describe the Queen group.

From Queen, we actually heard quality imitation from the groups playing ABBA and the Beach Boys, but just as soon as the audience started to shake and quake, the program went back to the garage band in big hair. Terrible! Just Terrible!

In the end, the audience was loaded and ready to vote the Queen look-alikes right off the stage.  Unfortunately, the producers felt that actually voting would be too negative, so they had all the performers huddle to the middle of the stage to join together in the Chorus of a Beach Boys song.  So, where was the battle?  Of the Bands?  Voting?  And all?

Another great plan from the producers of the Stadium of Soot 2006.

Even more distressing is the fact that the Battle of the Bands portion took away precious time from the headlining acts and the fireworks.  What were the producers thinking?

Finally, after stall after stall, one performer stepped forward who could actually deliver to the audiences on both TV and in the stadium seats.  Taylor Hicks stepped on stage and the crowd became electric again.  Along with his guitar and harmonica, it was clear that this crowd wanted more Hicks and less scripts.  For only three songs or so, Hicks had the crowd eating out of his hands.  

So the best thing you could do as a producer is to let him play.  Which is not what they planned.  Instead they cut him off early and stole the show – from the audience. Off with Hicks, and on with more stupid stunts introduced by talented people trying to reach their lowest marks for quality performances of their careers.

But first, the show scripted show-stopping appearances from Miss Utah and Miss Provo and her court. Miss Provo was so in tune that she felt compelled to introduce us to her first and second runner-up. Most in the audience were shaking their heads and laughing.  Could it get any worse? Next up . . . the Pig Competition and Bobbing for Apples? Was this why we paid $50.00 a ticket or for a few unfortunate souls $100.00 for a spot on the field?

Finally, the show reached the two pinnacles of Lee Ann Womack and fireworks. The audience still had hope – though the expectations were pretty low by now.

As Lee Ann Womack entered on stage, you could tell that the timing was off.  The audience was not ready for the main event.  It had not yet adjusted to the foul script of the appetizers.  Try as she might, Lee Ann Womack could not budge this crowd. She sang through several top hits, only to get polite applause. It was starting to get uncomfortable.

Here is one observer’s point-of-view to a contributing factor – though certainly not the main reason for the audience’s cool response to Lee Ann Womack.  Apparently, the producer had failed to speak with Lee Ann’s wardrobe person.  Lee Ann Womack walked on the stage in a sleeveless, strapless (or insignificantly strapped) blouse that made her look like she was going to go bar hoping down south after downing a few cold ones.  The only cold ones in the stadium were those sitting in the seats. This is one of the most conservative crowds west of Saudi Arabia and the producer sends this poor lady into the show wearing something “immodest.”  

You don’t have to be a brain surgeon to get this one right. Lee Ann Womack is a great talent, but faced with an audience who had just managed to get up to Taylor Hicks without walking out and who were looking for a little down-home entertainment, the wardrobe malfunction became a bigger issue than it otherwise would have been.

As Womack sang, you could see her disappointment and concern.  Soon she was turning her back to the audience and just enjoying the show with her band.  But it was getting a little better as the audience could easily recognize her great talent and to her credit she was trying very hard.

Of course, when things get going well . . . enter the producer.  

Flash back a year ago to the producer’s planning table.  The producer looks around the table at fifty “Yes Men” and throws out an idea.  “Since we had so much success in reuniting soldiers with their families in 2005, let’s do it again in 2006 – only this time, we will try to be real tricky and pretend like they are actually overseas before the reunion.”  Of course the obligatory response was “Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes . .”  Couldn’t anyone muster up enough courage to say “No!”

Clearly, this gag had been done.  It was great – but it had already been done.  Sadly, the audience got a repeat of last year’s “surprise.”

The Honey Award goes to the soldiers who were subject to this rerun of a surprise and Lee Ann Womack for being a good sport and performing before a cold crowd of ultra-conservatives without understanding the dynamic of “Utah” modesty.  The Pooh Bear Dung Award once again goes to the producer who at this point was just pitiful.

After the “reunion” of one soldier with his family, Lee Ann Womack decided that she was going to get this party started one-way or another.  She then sang a fantastic rendition of “This Land Is My Land, This Land is Your Land” and finally had the crowd going.  The crowd was swaying and waving their flags and it looked like the “producer” was going to at least pull out of this bad shot with a Mulligan.  Just then, Keni Thomas rushed the stage to pull Womack off stage and terminate her performance.  To the observer, it looked like she had just said a bad word and the powers that be used the cane to yank her off.

Poor Keni was just doing what the producer told him to, but it not only surprised the audience, Lee Ann Womack appeared to be confused and disgusted with the entire ordeal.  

“Thank you for waking up the crowd Ms. Womack – now would you kindly get off the stage so we can get on to the real talent – pre-recorded music and some automated fireworks.”

I watched with wonder as this great country star walked off the stage with a bottle of water clinched tightly in her hand.  She didn’t even get to say goodbye to the audience that she had just won over with a patriotic message and her talent.

Next, the audience had at least great hopes for the fireworks display.  If nothing else, the Stadium of Fire was about quality fireworks.

Let’s flash back now to a year ago, around that same producer’s table and all the “Yes Men.”  The producer leans forward and says, “I think we should take all of the ten second ‘hooks’ from all the greatest songs for the last forty years and randomly mix them up so that one line in the ‘hook’ represents the kind of fireworks we display at that moment.”

In theory, it sounds great.  In practice, however, it ended up a jumbled, mixed up, unfocused, catastrophe – a real mix of ugly.  A blended mix of beautiful colors to get putty grey.  Tremendous hit songs came blaring out at the audience only to be cut short and replaced by another and then another.  So quick were the changes that no emotion could be emitted.  The audience members were left with tidbits here and there, but nothing adequate to consume for a real meal of entertainment.

Then one of the worst things that could happen to a crowd watching fireworks, happened.  It began raining soot and ash.  Thousands in the stadium could not look up as the fireworks inside the stadium were too close and too numerous.

Flash back to the producer’s table.  

“I am tired of people outside the stadium getting a free show.  Let’s make this the greatest event in the history of the Stadium of Fire by tripling the number of fireworks inside the stadium itself.  That way, people outside of the stadium won’t be able to see the show and will have to pay $100 a ticket next year if they want to see all the action.  Plus, we do need to be mindful of our TV audience and show as much up close as possible. I say three times the fireworks inside the stadium.”

Famous last words.

There were so many fireworks going on so close to the audience and inside the stadium that those located on the stadium floor or in the east stands (the premium spots I might add) were soon covered in ash, soot and paper from the fireworks.  So bad was the situation that most in these areas could not even look up to see the glorious display.  Most were covering their eyes and their heads and trying to protect their children from permanent eye-scaring.

The big boom finale was a big relief as it meant the torture was over and the audience could finally go home. A few friends outside the stadium later would say that they were disappointed because there weren’t that many fireworks in the sky. I would comment in reply that I did not have the same observation from inside the stadium as once the fireworks began my shirt was ablaze and I was reading fireworks warning labels in Chinese trying to figure whether I needed to douse myself with water or simply roll on the ground to extinguish the flames.

Some may read this and wonder if I have an axe to grind with the Stadium of Fire.  In fact, I do not, and that is what makes this review such a disappointment. Over the years the Stadium of Fire has built a reputation for being an important patriotic event that leaves audience members uplifted about their country and the freedoms they enjoy. The guest list is the Who’s Who of entertainment and news.

So how could such a great event result in such a catastrophe?  It all starts at the producer’s table.  It certainly was not the talent, but rather the use of the talent.  It certainly, was not the setting, as it is one of the best locations in the United States for such an event.

Like the hundred mixed song ‘hooks’ pre-programmed for the fireworks show, this pageant was a jumbled mess. The message of the Stadium of Fire has always been patriotism and unity, but instead, this time the audience was exposed to a Mosh Pit of conflicting mini-acts.

Next year I will likely return with my family, but if it again fails to deliver, then like a failing football team, the Stadium of Fire might soon be playing to a stadium of empty seats.