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Funny: Lessons Learned From the Dairy
By Charlie Montrose | Published  06/21/2006 | Humor from the Hive | Unrated
Milk and Cows (Cont'd)

By nature, I am a fairly optimistic person. I refuse to see the glass as half empty. Clearly, it is merely a temporary condition caused by the lack of a thirsty person nearby. Half empty to a thirsty person in Nevada is only an indicator that the liquid inside has evaporated. Of course, it may also indicate that your lunch buddy has been sipping from your glass. Either way, there is still enough liquid to quench a thirst and in the desert, that is what counts.

That is assuming that the liquid is not milk. 

Warm milk has never really caught on in the Southwest. Especially, when it has been warmed by the sun at midday. Sure, a 1st graders will drink it from a carton at recess, but even they need an Oreo to swish around in their mouths to make it all go down easily. Still, I can’t drink milk unless it is two degrees above freezing. Cold milk is tremendous. Warm milk is like having your dog lick you on your lips – wet, but not refreshing.

I am told the Greeks like to drink warm goats milk. They say it is smoother than cow’s milk and richer in taste. I am also told that the Greeks like warm cheese, warm water and warm soft drinks. It sounds like these folks forgot to pay their electricity bill.

In contrast to the Greeks, the Norwegians love to drink milk on ice. But as the Norwegians are not known for their chocolate, it was a natural that anciently they would eventually dress up in horned helmets and invade France.

In Japan, milk is a delicacy as good milk cows are hard to fatten as they prefer only Missouri Sweet Hay. In the end, there are a lot of skinny cows endlessly roaming the rice fields in a fruitless attempt to get to Missouri. All that walking makes them even thinner and everyone knows a skinny cow is hard to milk. So the Japanese have created a milk substitute called Soy Milk. A more accurate description of Soy Milk is white bean juice.

Some people prefer Soy Milk to regular milk. Likewise, some people like riding their bikes to work. My guess is if you accidently run over the guy on the bike, the demand for soy beans suddenly plunges.

Americans love milk. There is little doubt of that. One of the most popular magazine ads in the United States features famous athletes and movie stars with a white milk mustache. Below, the caption reads "Got Milk?" The Greek equivalent is "Ya Demos?" Roughly translated that means "Got Goat?"

In Japan the ad reads "Hisha Do Rey." Translated it means "Have you seen my cow?"

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