Sharon’s mother reminded her that modesty is a challenge that can be met, it would just take a little tweaking of the dresses to cover a little more than was originally intended by the designer. Two weeks later, Sharon would celebrate prom in style, a modest style.

We are told by religious leaders to be modest. What is modesty and why is it important? Webster’s dictionary defines modesty as propriety in dress, speech or conduct. Given this definition, it is safe to say that modesty is more than just covering up. It is dressing and acting appropriately in all circumstances. It is having respect for ourselves, as well as respecting the value and worth of others.

Dress and Appearance
The way we dress attracts other people who are attracted to the style we are espousing. We are essentially sending out messages to filter out those who are not interested in our “style” and signaling that we are looking for a certain type of person who has a certain set of standards, good or bad. Wearing revealing clothes says to others, that we are looking for another person who shares a lower standard of self, who is more compelled by fashion than substance.

The Mormon Church publishes a pamphlet called “For the Strength of Youth” which was first published in 1990. It is targeted to Latter-day Saint youth and their parents. The standards taught today are the same as fifteen years ago. Under the sub-heading Dress and Appearance it states: “Never lower your dress standards for any occasion. Doing so sends the message that you are using your body to get attention and approval and that modesty is important only when it is convenient.”

Modesty seems to be only an issue with girls. The “fairer sex” hears the word “modesty” from the time they are little. Every time a girl comes on the television wearing something that was “inappropriate” mothers say, “We don’t wear things like that.” And of course, mothers are always right.

I remember in high school that I did not see the concern over wearing a tank top. I lived in Las Vegas, and in the summer time it was hot. I would receive lecture after lecture from my parents, but nothing really sank in. It wasn’t until a good friend of mine, asked me one day why I wore tank tops. As I never wore spaghetti strapped tank tops, I thought having most of my shoulder covered was enough. Surprisingly, my friend was a boy and I respected his opinion.

“I don’t know,” I said, lacking any good excuse. He responded by telling me that he was proud to be my friend because I was never ashamed to stand up for my beliefs and never tried to hide who I was, but he didn’t have respect for me when I wore clothes below my standards. I was really taken by his comments. I never knew a simple tank top could cause someone to loose respect for me. Looking back on it, I knew my parents were right. Why does it always take so long for us to figure out parents are always right? I am grateful for my friend who had the courage to tell me what he thought. It has changed my outlook on dressing modestly and what it means to be modest.

Modest dressing means more than covering our shoulders and stomachs. It also reaches into other things such as the style and color of our hair. The way we treat our body, and the jewelry we wear. Tattoos and earrings are becoming more and more popular with each generation. Teenagers are getting tattoos at younger and younger ages. These are permanent markings on a body given to us by our parents and our God. Girls and boys are now wearing multiple earrings. There are even earrings that expand the small ear hole in the lobe to the size of dimes and quarters.

Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has addressed the issue of piercings and earrings many times in speeches and articles. In a talk to parents five years ago “Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children” he stated:

“Now comes the craze of tattooing one’s body. I cannot understand why any young man - or young woman, for that matter - would wish to undergo the painful process of disfiguring the skin with various multicolored representations of people, animals, and various symbols. With tattoos, the process is permanent, unless there is another painful and costly undertaking to remove it. Fathers, caution your sons against having their bodies tattooed. They may resist your talk now, but the time will come when they will thank you. A tattoo is graffiti on the temple of the body. Likewise the piercing of the body for multiple rings in the ears, in the nose, even in the tongue. Can they possibly think that is beautiful? It is a passing fancy, but its effects can be permanent. Some have gone to such extremes that the ring had to be removed by surgery. The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve have declared that we discourage tattoos and also “the piercing of the body for other than medical purposes.” We do not, however, take any position “on the minimal piercing of the ears by women for one pair of earrings” – one pair.”

The way we dress goes still further than that. My husband and I were at Disneyland not too long ago. While standing in line my husband saw a girl about the age of eleven. She was wearing a skirt, which I will admit was a tad too short, a t-shirt and a pink baseball cap turned sideways. For a cute eleven-year-old girl, she was wearing a lot of make-up. My husband turned to me and quietly remarked that he would never let our little girl walk out of the house looking like that. I agreed and said, “Yes, her skirt is short.” “Yeah,” he said, “but I’m talking about her hat”

“Her hat?” I thought. “What’s wrong with her hat?” Needless to say we had quite a conversation. My husband stated his point that the hat turned sideways combined with the outfit she had on seemed to him that she was trying to attract a certain type of crowd. I however, being the stubborn person that I am, took some convincing that the hat could make such a difference. Take the hat out of the picture, and you have a young girl wearing make-up and a skirt shorter than it should be. With just this, you have a little girl trying to look older than she is. Add the hat, and you have a girl trying to attract a certain type of boy who likes a certain type of girl. The call of the wild, you might say. The hat did make a difference. I was humbled, as I had to admit to my husband that he was right in thinking that an accessory could make such a big difference in the way one is portrayed. Skin-tight shirts, too much make-up, what a shirt says, and the type of jewelry we wear all plays a part in dressing modestly – or conversely, sending signals as to who we really are deep down, inside.

Boys Too!
Modesty is not exclusively a topic for girls, though it certainly seems to be a bigger issue with teenage girls. While it may be easier for you to “cover-up”, and maybe earrings and tattoos are not a real issue for any boy not living on the fringe, there is a significant trend that boys do need to address. The descriptive word is “Sagging.”

This is a trend that does not appear to be disappearing. I am now seeing new “lows” in sagging. About two weeks ago, while attending a high school volleyball game, I saw a teenage boy walking out the door. I was grateful that he was wearing such a long t-shirt. His belt was holding his pants up around his thighs. Not waist, but thighs.

As discussed above, boys can actually have a positive impact on modesty by how they respond to girls who are dressed appropriately and inappropriately. Letting girls know you respect how they dress and appreciate it encourages good choices. You never know what kind of impact you can have.

Sadly, some girls will always dress to get attention. Boys need to know where to draw the line with their thoughts. Fleeting and stirring thoughts of a girl dressed inappropriately is no different than lusting over pornography. Both girls and boys need to be aware of this danger and stop it before it happens. All of us need to consider our dress and our thoughts in interacting with the opposite sex. Girls need to avoid dress intended to stir too much attraction and boys need to avoid giving too much attention to those dressing inappropriately. If an immodest girl stops getting the attention from boys, she will soon change what she wears – or worse, she could attract someone who will not respect her.

In the pamphlet “For the Strength of Youth” it states:

“Prophets of God have always counseled His children to dress modestly. The way you dress is a reflection of what you are on the inside. Your dress and grooming send messages about you to others and influence the way others act. When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you invite the companionship of the Spirit and can exercise a good influence on those around you.”

Actions Speak Louder Than Dress
Speaking of one’s actions, this too plays a part in being modest. We need to be aware of the standards we represent. This might be family standards or religious standards, but how we dress will impact others. Watching, listening and partaking in inappropriate media and entertainment, including television, movies, music and dancing can also be immodest. By watching certain types of television shows, movies, or looking at magazines that include pornography is simply partaking of poison. Inappropriate media gives us permanent pictures in our minds which cannot be erased. They are damaging to ourselves, and our future husbands and wives. Today’s world is surrounded with the temptation of diving into immodesty, but it is a filthy pit full of real consequences. All of us, boys, girls, men and women need to help each other avoid this by dressing and acting as children of the Divine.

The pamphlet “For the Strength of Youth” also states under Dress and Appearance the following

“Your body is God’s sacred creation. Respect it as a gift from God, and do not defile it in any way. Through your dress and appearance, you can show the Lord that you know how precious your body is. You can show that you are a disciple of Jesus Christ.”

Regardless of one’s religious persuasion or family heritage, modesty is a strong foundation that gains the respect of those around you. It attracts others who are equally strong and persons with high morals and values. Modesty creates success as those less modest feel increasingly insecure about themselves as they enter the real world of business and social interaction. People are drawn to those who are modest. They seek out their advice, they seek out their friendship and they admire them.

Surrounding ourselves with modest persons, we keep the dangers and controversies of life ever distant. Though it may not be “fun,” in the “party” sense, it is more valuable that a safe full of gems. It provides insulation from the evils of the world and it keeps you away from those who are not comfortable in a moral setting. Though the fun seems exciting at the age of seventeen, it is truly a sharp knife that cuts indiscriminately and leaves its victims less than whole. It lowers self-esteem and ultimately leads to more severe circumstances. The reward of modesty is the avoidance of activity and persons who can do harm to you, and in today’s society, that is worth more than Britney Spears’ belly ring.